Last night was a typical weekend night at the Culley's. Had a few people over and ordered pizza. It was typical in that we often get together on a weekend night with friends and family, order take out, hang out, and let the kids run wild. It was different though because all the talk centered around changes to come. The ladies went up in S's room and looked at all her clothes set out be packed, we talked about my sister's baby coming, and exchanged a lot of OMG I can't believe this is all really happening! We celebrated Lexi's birthday because it will be while Mark and I are gone, and I wanted to see her blow out her candles! Nine years old! Where did that time go?? I split her gifts up so she could open the "fun" ones while we're gone, and let her open clothes and some books last night. It was fun to see her excited about her clothes! I thought she'd be disappointed. I guess she really is a big girl now:(
Lexi sporting her new Northface and book I knew she'd love!
Anne waiting ever so patiently to feel a little kick or something!
Happy 9th Birthday Baby!
Doesn't get much sweeter than this!
I should share some of my feelings from this week, because I think it's important to be honest about all the emotions that adoptions brings. Certainly some of these feelings came about when I had my babies, but I think you are more aware of it with adoption. When I was pregnant I couldn't wait to get that baby out of me! Not so much because I wanted to start night feedings, but because I was uncomfortable and so done being pregnant! With adoption, I'm not uncomfortable. In fact, I'm exactly the opposite! I was keenly aware all week that I like my routine, I like my freedom, I like my big independent girls. What was I thinking?? Everyone is very excited and so generous and loving towards us. The conclusion I've come to is that this is a lot more exciting if you're not me:) The reality of it is the hard part is about to come. Our lives are busy and full, and we now have to find a way to include a two year old in all that. A child that will probably want to be with me all the time, will be overstimulated easily, does not know how to be part of a family, live in a house, play in her room, cannot communicate her feelings to us, and doesn't trust us to take care of all her needs. So, there is mommy guilt about what my big girls will be sacrificing in this transition time. Earlier this week I thought to myself, "We should do something Sunday, just the four us. The LAST time it will be the FOUR of us". So, I mentioned going out to dinner and the girls both had the same reaction. We can celebrate S coming! I'm a jerk. I'm raising amazing girls(obviously better than me!), and I should have more faith in them. Twelve days is a long time to be gone, I'm missing my sweet Lexi's 9th birthday, Adrienne has a dance event I'm missing, and my sister could possibly give birth to my new niece. That's big stuff...but I know in 2 weeks it will all just be part of our life story, and we'll be so blessed to be in our new normal. The first thing the judge said to me in court was, "I see a mom, dad, and two girls. Looks complete. Why are you doing this?". My answer was, "Yes, it looks complete, but it never felt complete to me." In just a few days it will be complete, and I will be the luckiest mom in the world to be blessed with whatever challenges come our way. If you want to feel really blessed, just log onto "Two Kids a Minivan and a Mortgage" listed under the blogs I follow. Lord, give me anything to overcome but that. Talk about appreciating the little things...if you and yours are healthy, you can do anything!