Friday, April 14 was Brian’s birthday. On the Monday before, Ami sent a group text asking who was available that night if she organized a last minute surprise party. All of us were free. She put it together and without knowing it then, gave us the greatest gift. It was a night all together, with all the kids present. They arrived with Brian, helping to orchestrate the surprise. Nolan communicating arrival. They came around the corner and we yelled out “Surprise”! We exchanged hugs, the kids answering our pleasantries until they could escape to their end of the table. They all sat together talking about everything and nothing. What a great night. We thanked Ami in the morning, because when it works out so perfect you wonder “Why don’t we make this happen more” and vow to do better in the future.
On Monday, April 17, Ethan took his own life. He was so loved. He left such a hole. He left questions upon questions. Most of all, he left a slew of siblings, cousins, and friends who now have to feel grief in a way young people should not experience. The grown ups have no answers for them, no magic coping skills, no more understanding.
There’s a line in one of the songs from Hamilton that says, “Look at where we are, look at where we started”. It’s hard to understand how you get from one place to the other, but now we’re here, and all we can do is keep moving forward and trying harder with these loves. We will always feel your absence Ethan. There will never be a time where this feels normal.
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