Hard Mommy Day

Today I went to work for the first real day. I've been in to set up my classroom and make preparations, but that's different because it's my choice! Today I had to be there on time, and that meant taking Sof to daycare. It was hard. Harder then the first day because today she knew what was happening. When we pulled into the parking lot she started saying, "Bye bye?". As we walked to the door I was explaining that Mommy was going to work and Sofie was going to school. Her bottom lip came out and she said, "School?". We went to her classroom and she cried. A sad, sad cry. I put on my best strong Mommy face, kissed, hugged, and handed her over. I went to my car and cried for her. I cried the first time I left my other girls too, but this is different. My heart breaks thinking about her perspective on it. Is she thinking this is her new home, wondering if I'm coming back? At work we started by going around the room and sharing best memories from our summer. That got me emotional again. I called at lunch to check and see how Sof's morning went. Her teacher had lots of positives to tell me. She said Sof had really come out of her shell and shown more of her personality today. She engaged with other kids and participated in games. Then it came to nap time. When the teacher started getting the cots out Sof said, "Night, night?". Then she started crying and specifically said, "Mama". That broke my heart, and yes, made me cry again. Here's the deal though, it IS different then my biological girls. Sof just got a family, a Mommy and a Daddy and sisters, and she likes it. She wants to be with us. It's hard to leave her behind. In reality though, it would be much worse if she didn't miss us. The best thing that happened today was that she remembered me, wanted me, and even asked for me 4 hours after I dropped her off. She isn't happy with just any caregiver, whoever is on shift. She wants her Mommy. That means she has a strong attachment to me, to us. It is the biggest hurdle every adopted child and family faces. We are SO over that hurdle. By 2:30 Mommy and baby were reunited and all the ups and downs of the day were left behind. We spent the rest of the afternoon playing with her Tree House.

This little girl is going bye bye to school. Great role play, except the dog's driving...